I truly would not be the person I am today without psychotherapy, and especially with a trained professional who was able to give me a proper diagnosis. When I began treatment under Dr. Jones' care 18 months ago, I thought I would have a few sessions, be told to limit my stress, and that would be it. Little did I know that my core problems couldn't even be addressed because my anxiety levels were through the roof. I was frantically running all over the place, especially in my head, and was lashing out in intense anger. I was hopeless, confused, and depressed. The woman I am today is so different than that scared little girl who walked into Dr. Jones' office on that first day.
To tackle my anxiety first, we started with a wellness program to begin to connect my mind, body, and spirit with regular exercise, proper nutrition, meditation, and journaling among other helpful tools. I began to work on changing harmful behaviors and toxic relationships that I was still holding on to. I trusted my psychologist because she gave me the courage to make difficult changes in my life. I gained more confidence in myself when I was able to cut out useless, hurtful relationships. I became more aware of my feelings and how to accurately label them based on the psychological education that I received each week. Dr. Jones explained to me that I have Borderline Personality Disorder that resulted from long-term trauma. I didn't accept it right away, but over time and with some more work, it made so much sense! The unstable moods, rocky relationships, codependency, irrational thoughts, trichotillomania, drug and alcohol abuse, risky behaviors, seeing everything in black or white or all good or all bad, was all a part of Complex PTSD and borderline personality traits. It was such a relief to know that other people experience the same thing and that it can be fixed.
Then it was onto well how did I get this way and how can I keep moving forward to be the Best Self that I could be? I dove into family dynamics and past relationships. We discovered that my BPD occurred as a result of parental narcissistic abuse. There was so much chaos and high tensions in my house growing up coupled with a tragic event that occurred when I was a girl. I'm an open book, but unless you are discussing these things with a professional who understands narcissistic abuse, it's difficult for other people to understand how family trauma effects your entire life. Prior to seeing Dr. Jones, I received some confusing advice, which made it all the more difficult for me to accept the truth about what had happened to me. The unique therapy experience I've had with Dr. Jones has helped me to make real headway towards long-term healing. With the tools Dr. Jones has given me, I can now handle and recognize narcissists and narcissistic behaviors in others.
It has been quite the journey and I am so grateful for it. It's a lot of information and self-discovery, but when I needed a break, Dr. Jones would recommend a new workout routine or meal plan so that I could dive back into the more intensive work when I was ready. The knowledge, guidance, and support has given me the ability to love myself, finally.